Daycare of Doom
by dbzespio
Summary: What if the Daycare lady wasn't as innocent as she seemed? Yeah... Don't take this too seriously. It's pure insanity really.


Uh, yeah… I wrote this a while ago… right after an incredibly long and boring essay for school. I guess I felt the need to balance that boring writing with this extreme randomness…. It's kind of funny when I look back on how totally opposite these two pieces are. XD

Anyway, I hadn't had much time to write lately, so I figured I'd post this now… before I changed my mind. XD

oOoOoOo

It was yet another fine day at the charming little Daycare Center. The elderly woman behind the counter smiled pleasantly to herself. She had a feeling she was going to rake in a _lot _of cash today…

The first visitor of the day stumbled inside, as if he couldn't quite figure out the subtle art of stepping over doormats. The young, shorts-clad boy was clearly a Trainer, judging by the Pokéballs he had placed on his belt and in his right hand. Why he was holding a Pokéball in his right hand was anybody's guess. Since, clearly he was not going to challenge a dear old lady to a battle.

"Good day; may I help you?" the woman asked stoically.

The boy hesitated before finally speaking, "Uh… yeah…"

"I see," the woman smiled deviously, "If you want your Tissue back, you'll need to pay me 30,000 Pokémon dollars!"

"30,000?" the boy repeated, incredulous, "For my _tissue_? But I don't have that kind of money!"

"Please come again soon!" the woman smiled brightly as if the boy hadn't even said anything.

The boy left, grumbling and muttering under his breath. He tripped on the mat again on his way out, like the total noob that he was.

As she waited for the next customer to arrive, the elderly grandmother twiddled her thumbs and whistled quietly. What a beautiful day it was today!

A few minutes later, a Trainer named Leaf wandered into the small building. She smiled brightly at the old woman. It was Leaf's first time utilizing the services of such a Center.

"Good day; may I help you?" the elderly lady asked.

"Yeah, I'm here to pick up my-" Leaf began, but she was cut off midsentence by the Daycare Lady.

"I see," the woman grinned devilishly, "If you want your Shadow back, you'll need to pay me 20,000 Pokémon dollars!"

Leaf froze after hearing such a response. She slowly and cautiously looked behind herself to see that, indeed, her shadow was missing!

"Y-yeah! Here you go!" Leaf hastily pulled out her money and laid it on the table.

"Thank you!" the woman nodded, "My husband is waiting outside. Hand him this paper; then he'll retrieve your Shadow for you! Now please come again!"

Leaf hastily left the building, silently vowing that she would never use a Daycare facility ever again.

After that was all taken care of, the old woman resumed her merry tune. A fine day it was!

Shortly afterward, a young man by the name of N entered the establishment. He was entranced; the innocent young Trainer had never seen or heard of a Daycare Center before, never in his entire life. And on top of that, he was entirely new to this region. He was a total pushover. The elderly woman knew this for certain.

"Good morning; may I help you?" she asked.

"Oh yes!" N said grandly, waving his arms into the air with carefree abandon.

"I see," the woman smirked evilly, "If you want your Liver and Kidneys back, you'll need to pay me 80,000 Pokémon dollars!"

N's eyes widened with horror, "OH PLEASE!" he screamed, "PLEASE GIVE ME BACK MY ORGANS!"

"Pay me 80,000 Pokémon dollars," the woman insisted.

"I'll do it!" N shrieked and hurriedly pulled out all of his money and threw it all onto the counter.

"Thank you!" the woman smiled warmly, "My husband is waiting outside. Hand him this paper; then he'll retrieve your Liver and Kidneys for you! Now please come again!"

N rushed out of the building, paper in hand.

The Daycare Lady continued her sentimental tune, quietly appreciating the scenery beyond her freshly scrubbed windows. She smiled deviously as she tucked the extra money N had thrown everywhere into her sleeve. No one would miss it. Certainly not a green-haired hippie.

Nearly an hour later, a blonde Trainer named Bianca walked into the building. No one knew how she wound up in the region of Johto; perhaps Bianca herself didn't even know. But at any rate, she was here now, and she approached the counter with a silly grin on her face.

"Good morning; may I help you?" the elderly lady asked.

"Yeah!" Bianca giggled, "I'm totally here to-"

"I see," the old lady grinned demonically, "If you want your Mother and Brother back, you'll need to pay me 60,000 Pokémon dollars!"

"NOOOO!" Bianca screamed, "Not my mommy and brother!" Apparently, Bianca was so frightened at the prospect of losing her family, that she forgot that she didn't even have a brother in the first place. That's what fear does to a person.

"Are you going to pay me or not?" the woman asked.

"Yes!" Bianca wailed, tossing her money at the table.

"Thank you!" the woman smiled kindly, "My husband is waiting outside. Hand him this paper; then he'll retrieve your Mother and Brother for you! Now please come again!"

Bianca ran out crying.

The elderly lady didn't seem to notice; she just continued her whistling.

About five seconds later, Paul, the purple-haired Trainer, walked into the Daycare Center. He was sulking and scowling like the emo punk he is.

"Good afternoon; may I help you?" the lady asked.

"Whatever…" Paul turned away, full of angst and unresolved emotion.

"I see," the woman continued anyway, her sinister smile slowly forming on her face, "If you want your Heart back, you'll need to pay me 25,000 Pokémon dollars!"

"Pfff!" Paul scoffed, "I have no heart!"

And at that, the Trainer turned and left the building. The elderly lady shrugged; he would come back sooner or later. They always do…

As per usual, the lady started to whistle the exact same tune and appreciate the scenery that she saw every single day.

Suddenly, the evil, two-dimensional, and poorly drawn WEEGEE appeared. He walked up to the counter without even moving his feet.

"Good afternoon; may I help you?" the lady asked.

WEEGEE merely stared. Creepy-sounding music began to play.

The old woman was unfazed, "I see," she said normally, as if WEEGEE had actually responded, "If you want your _Spaghetti!_ back, you'll need to pay me 60,000 Pokémon dollars!"

"UNACCEPTABLE!" a thousand voices screeched all at once. WEEGEE opened his mouth to start A-FIRIN' SOME LAZARS at her.

Suddenly the old woman abandoned her elderly and weak façade and leapt onto the counter in an impressive feat of her inner strength and determination. A green, protective shield formed in front of her, easily deflecting all of WEEGEE's LASERS.

"YOU MUST DIE!" the old woman shrieked and suddenly fired her own LAZAR. This one was FAR more deadly and powerful than WEEGEE's. Therefore, WEEGEE exploded in a fiery mass of destruction.

He was still alive though, and the Daycare Center itself was miraculously untouched by destruction as well. Not only was this old woman super powerful, but she was also a master of restraint.

WEEGEE crawled away, all of his cred completely ground into the dirt. He had been utterly PWNED by an old lady.

"A _winner_ is me!" the old lady proudly declared, before daintily jumping down from the counter and taking her seat. Once there, she began to whistle her lovely little tune once again.

oOoOoOo

There you go, people. Always respect your elders! Or become PWNED by them. Your choice.


End file.
